Ten Years, a bakery, 3 babies and countless tears
I closed my eyes a little but forgot to shut my mouth as I flew downhill on the bike straight through a swarm of newly hatched flies who were enjoying the warm, late afternoon sunshine. ‘I’m vegetarian’ I shout out loud (to no one) whilst spluttering on the inhaled insects. Ah Spring, you’re lovely.
What a week it’s been, we’re celebrating ten years in business. In the current climate and the challenges of the past few years it does seem we’re incredibly fortunate to still be baking for a living. I put this down to our roots; we planted ourselves tentatively into the good earth of our community and we grew at a steady pace with their support. It’s a couple of mad eejits who return from travelling, penniless but with a dream, who get married then pregnant, give up their jobs (even more penniless) and decide to radicalise the food offering on their beloved coast. To use a terrible phrase, it’s been a journey!
I was having trouble letting it sink in but the overwhelming response we received put it in perspective and I feel like I should indulge in the celebration here but with a heap of reality so you are under no illusion…
10 years ago there was one other sourdough baker in the north, Ricky from Zacs Bakehouse, still going strong, Established had just opened their café in Belfast, being the first third wave coffee. It was a very new scene. We had decided to throw our energy into becoming bakers, taking much advice and guidance from both of the above. I was newly pregnant so my energy reserves were already low but despite that I convinced Dara to give up his job so he could focus on perfecting his loaves, at the time from our home oven. I would continue working until maternity leave kicked in; though would not be entitled to maternity pay as I had only started my job- thankfully being financially challenged didn’t scare us, we had romanticism instead.
After Cillian arrived the change was massive; naivety turned to doubt and fear with a big old side helping of lack of warning on just how difficult being a new parent was. After a few sleep deprived months we decided it was the perfect time to open a little shop at the top of the town, three days a week. We were still baking at home and the mornings were a blur of baby and baking, we brought everything up to the café in the morning including Cillian until a grandparent would take him offside for a few hours.
Two years of this amazing pace; Wednesday night car adventures after dinner and Tessie Thursdays for a wee pint and crisps, three lovely working days, it felt like a great lifestyle. The opportunity came up for a bigger space in town where we could have the bakery and café onsite just as I was expecting baby 2 and was totally floored with extreme sickness- trying to help decorate and move into a new space was near impossible for me, I could barely move from nausea. After Michael arrived a took a few months off,dipping in and out to cover some holidays, I returned to work when he was around 6 months old, leaving every few hours to feed him; which seems totally bizarre now but if felt doable at the time. I got into a good groove as Michael was less of a sleep thief than his older brother and focussed on improving my skills and baking style, hosting supper clubs, exciting unique events and classes. We tried to grow the bakery and wholesale, we tried to make our voice heard amongst the food folk in the land.
The reality of Brexit started to kick in and ingredients costs soared along with difficulty to source produce and a feeling of isolation; the rest of the island was fostering and promoting a beautiful food community and we were once again cut off. Britain may as well have been mainland Europe in terms of delivery logistics, support and the opportunity for media presence. We felt ignored, alone.
When I had a miscarriage in spring 2019 I kept working; taking time off isn’t easy no matter the circumstance. I don’t think I knew how to process it, maybe I still don’t really, it was such a shock. I just kept baking. The year was tinged with sadness, ending with the tragic death of a friend. I helped cater the funeral, surreal. Overcome with the need to keep going.
Covid came along like an earthquake and shuddered the very foundations of all our lives; I remember crying thinking all of what we had worked for was falling away, we grasped on to our dream with our fingertips, supported by our staff and our community, we held fast. Then came baby 3 and we lived in a bubble of uncertainty.
Motherhood is incredible but for me it stripped away the prospect of career or professional development (never mind any personal hopes and desires!), with time and energy spent on nurturing the beautiful children. My longing was to nourish a wider circle, but I had to wait, everything was on hold. When I eventually got back to work I felt more than ever it was my time to focus and work hard for all the things I wanted to achieve.
Now this past year has been full; full of my dreams for the business becoming reality; that doesn’t always mean they turned out the dreamy way I wanted, often nightmarish! Tears and tears and tears worrying about staffing, crippling bills, EHO visits, threat of failure and the odd poor review. Its not easy, we don’t own a goldmine as someone said to me this week.
We were chatting with a friend recently who gave up his successful food business in favour of 9-5 working from home desk job. Donning my rose-tinted glasses I said, ‘don’t you miss it?’ ‘Absolutely not’ he said! I wonder would it be easier, would I be satisfied, what would change? My friend said, ‘you couldn’t work for someone though’ we laughed. I am a terrible timekeeper, I don’t work in a sensible or practical order, I don’t like routine, I get bored easily and I’m sensitive (especially to criticism). Hopefully I won’t have to edit this in a few years when looking for a job!
But I can’t stop now, there’s too much to do and I love it. Our ethos of quality, honest food is so important right now. I see it everywhere, along the hedgerows in the glens strewn with red bull cans and takeaway boxes, in schools with the poor food education and in the disconnect of people to their own self nourishment. Back to planning and scheming, cheers for being here.
Raise a glass with me, to our ten years, Slainte!
I love this Ciara, you and Dara are so inspiring ❤️
Congratulations on the (first) 10 years! Liam and I don't visit you as often as we would like. We'll have to fix that! Yous have created something beyond unique and I look forward to see what the future will bring.