Setting the Course Ahead
From great disappointment comes determination
My friend is flying to Fiji in the morning and I’m trudging through the saturated ground and muck in high winds at Larrybane; you really have to see the funny side. I wonder if anyone else’s festivities were annihilated by horrible sickness and miserable weather both of which forced us to stay indoors, resulting in serious cabin fever. A bad Christmas. A dry spell means I can escape and I drive out to the coast in tears, not realising how much I’d been holding together.
Yesterday the path was obscured by a low misty mizzle at the beach, it felt quite literally like walking into the unknown, so apt. I stubbornly and slowly marched on with an elevated sense of anger, frustration, sadness and exhaustion.
Oh 2024 what you gave to me and what you stole from me.
Today Rathlin is bold and bright, the landscape is clear and unmistakable, my homeplace; words are pouring in an endless stream in my brain, passing me by before I can note them down. So much to say and do; creating, innovating, inspiring. I dangle my legs off the edge of the path watching the waves, rebuilding my confidence and energy, sitting with perspective. I’m back, almost.
Even so, I quickly searched flights to Fiji to see how long it would take for me to meet my darling friend; 32 hours and worked out that I’d realistically have to stay for at least a week, my post sickness mental capacity clearly skewing reality. It would be total madness. Catch yourself on. I book 2 nights in a cottage in rural Donegal instead.
From the 22nd a flu knocked a person off their feet every two days in our house, the children first, of course, and then finally on New Year’s Eve it had done its work; you have to hand it to the little bugs, very successfully doing their job, all five of us floored by it. If I can valiantly pull my socks up and find the positives then you can too, let’s do this 2025!
Happily, my New Year started magnificently with a marvellous feature in The Irish Times; named in ‘The 50 For the Future’ on the island. The pages highlight a plethora of incredibly talented and wonderful humans who I am humbled to be nestled amongst. Even more lovely was being congratulated by people in my community and it spurs me on, enthused by their support.
I mentioned on my Instagram post that the article had thrown up all manner of complex feelings; many of which I’ve talked through before on here. Not least feeling like an outcast and the hard work we put in to get where we are, no mean feat. I have to take this gorgeous mention as a sign that I have been successful in overcoming many of the obstacles (patriarchy, finance, self doubt, isolation aka being from the North) I felt were so often blocking my way A real movie moment where I look off into the horizon, unfurl the sails, spin the wheel and set the course for the future.
But also an exploration into why recognition matters, vanity and validation. For me it’s always been about food and community and those are the stars that guide me. Determined and with integrity.
A new diary ready to be filled and a soul ready for enrichment.
What are you interested to read about or see in Gorse?
Ciara, huge congratulations on being named in the Times “Fifty For the Future”! Both the photo of you out in nature and the piece portrayed you and Gorse so marvelously—“captures the rhythm and nuances of seasonal living.” I’m so delighted for you!
And so sorry that you and all your family were laid low over the Christmas holidays. Here’s wishing for everyone’s full recovery and energy 😊
My friend, I am so sorry you were all wiped out - so many were! The first of us fell on Christmas Day and the dregs of sinus infections and bad coughs linger. It's so tough. Many congratulations on the Irish Times mention. I know how important those boosts are when the course you're setting is far from the beaten track. I am cheering you on from the Sligo sidelines xxx