Sadness and Sisterhood

Dara and I were 8500 feet up in the Andes when I got the call about my best friend; the elation of being on the Inca trail shattered in a few words through crackly phone reception; ‘car crash’ and ‘died.’

My initial reaction of shock and total disbelief quickly turned to a kind of numb, blind stubbornness and a staunch refusal to turn back. We had 3 days of hiking ahead ending at the ancient Inca city of Machu Picchu. I thought of the exhilaration she would’ve felt and decided it would be madness to give up.  At sunrise on the fourth day we climbed a peak to look down on the first rays of light bursting onto the beautiful ruins. There was a poignancy in that moment; I knew that things had changed forever, I would never get over her not being here.

Smiling through the pain of sadness at Machu Picchu

I think of her every day and every ecstatic instance of joy is tinged with a little sorrow. Anyone who has experienced the tragic death of someone close can relate to this and I’m sorry I’ve no words of wisdom on coping or recovery but I do think humans have a resilience which perhaps relies on the support of others.

We are staying in Edinburgh for the last two nights of our trip, the city where she and I met and where there were more than too many nights of revelry and sweet, long days of soul sistering.  I haven’t been back since and it feels strange to be here now, maybe, in truth, less cathartic and more difficult than I thought it would be.  Luckily I’ve a few distractions AKA the children and the many recommendations from lots of you lovely folk of places to enjoy; places where she would say have the banter factor!

Beautiful bow street

Whilst I feel the loss of my beloved bud I feel so fortunate to have a really solid bunch of friends around me, the past eight years especially through becoming a baker and a parent have meant I’ve made friends in a variety of circles. Aside from the special women I’m lucky to call friends who live further away I have the most amazing group of sisters in Ballycastle; girls to swim with, girls to pint with, girls to dance with and girls to laugh and cry with.  They have mended a fragility, made me more confident and feel loved and made me want to strive for more, for us and for our community, they are my support.  They are a diverse group of wonderful women and I love getting them all together.

Too many absolutely gorgeous people for photos of all but I love this photo of pure happiness,

This all seems a little soppy and sad this week but I think it’s important to be truthful, despite the fortunate position of being on holidays, it’s not all laughs and fun; that instagram vs reality nonsense is detrimental to us all and it’s healthy to be real and honest.  I am delighted that so many of you read these words every week, thank you, thank you, thank you.  You are also my support, I feel valued, heard and I’m here for you too, maybe we should have a real life meet up, a baking party?!

Let’s meet up and eat cake

Sometimes I worry that I am rambling as this isn’t really a defined blog; my life of food, musings, nature and family, especially this week as I’ve no food info to share. So to celebrate the bond of sisterhood I have some suggestions; if you’re after some beautiful baking, with deep dive info and explanations and gorgeous recipes please check out my amazing baking sisters substacks Beth O’Brien Tastebuds, Sarah Lemanski Bake Sense and Cissy Difford Roll with it.

Cissy’s most recent recipe

Next week I’ll be back with recipes to celebrate my gorgeous pal including a dessert marking the start of Cherry season. Gather your buddies, some bubbles and get ready to eat some pie. I’ll also report back next week on all our Scottish adventures with my highlights.

Me and my girl 2011 xxx