Hello, are you talking to you?

An early start means I’ll try and grab a coffee in bed and write for a while before the littlest wakes up, it’s a cold morning and it’s been raining through the night. While the kettle boils I fill the Berkey (best thing I ever bought) and strain my ears to hear the birdsong over the heating water. I’ve moved the bird feeders in front of my bedroom window and it’s made everything better, I love to watch them. Just when I thought February was going well it has started to drag its heels, with kids being unwell, energy levels dropping and a monotony in the habitual. Give me a break I say it to myself, please give me a break.

Explorers

Dara told me recently that some people don’t experience an inner monologue, or their voice chatting with/to them in their head. I shook my own head in disbelief and thought about it for days, surely most of my daily conversation takes place with myself. What fills the silence, I wondered, it’s difficult to imagine not having yourself to talk to yourself! How do you problem solve or motivate yourself? I was out on the rocks by Templastragh and I laughed when I realised the irony of my inner blethering, ‘I can’t believe people don’t talk to themselves in their heads.’ I suppose it might make meditation easier.

The odd time my inner monologue bursts out, as if it’s too big to keep in my brain; the scenery too beautiful or the instructions too complex. Potentially it’s the reason I can write, I’m always chatting away about something in my head.

An example of the inner monologue bursting out!

This week I hosted the first lunch at the bakery school. Before the wonderful group of humans gathered, I talked myself through the steps, how it would look, how I would talk about it to others. I pondered how people would react, whether I should serve or let guests help themselves.

Together we enjoyed a winter salad, one which has had various iterations over the years but usually has a grain, a pulse and with blood orange as the star all mixed together with a yummy zingy dressing. This time I had delicious carrots, onions and kale from Borughgammon, St Tola Goats Cheese, Hodmedods quinoa, mung beans and rye bread croutons to add to the bowlful of deliciousness. There’s a very simple version here. We finished with soothingly restorative hot cacao, a literal hug in a mug.

My next lunch get together is 20 February 12-1pm, I would love to have you join.

This week is Valentines and much like many dates on our modern calendars we don’t tend to celebrate in our house; Dara proposed on 13 February and inevitably that date tends to hold more weight. I’ve written our love story before so my thoughts lovingly turned instead to all of the incredible women I know doing amazing things and generally just being themselves. Back in November before my planned women’s get-together was cancelled I had started to envision the room and all the talent held within it, many of them wouldn’t have known one another and I was overwhelmed with the need to do a little intro of each of them, I love to connect them. In my circle I know women who can look straight into your soul, who grow, can belly dance, write, fix our bodies, sing, draw, are wine connoisseurs, guide and advise, make us laugh and so many more things. I know women who work so hard and with such gentle spirit that their professional life spills over into their own. They are a gift. Happy Valentines to all my sisters.

Many of the women I know are self employed, here are just three of them who I felt deserved a special mention.

Eleanor

Els has just become a humanist celebrant and I honestly couldn’t think of anyone more apt to help others celebrate love. She is kind and hilarious in equal measure and sometimes writes here.

Lynn

A calming and beautiful soul, Lynn is an illustrator with all the right messages for us when we need them. Her little stories of Fig and Ishka brighten the days.

Lorna- Morning Song

A generous and wise friend, Lorna is a postpartum doula, Rewind practitioner and Holosomatic Body therapist. She is healing the community, a steady and gentle soul.

There are women in my life who aren’t close enough for get togethers and warm embrace but they are never far from my thoughts, indeed I send them my love through my inner monologue all the time, I hope they hear me.