A plate of perspective

a little fragility

My eyelid has been twitching for three days.  I know why, it’s tiredness and stress, a delightful little pairing.  Broken sleep with the youngest awake in the early hours, poor sleep for nights anyway, stress with work and the event I had this week.  No wonder.  My remedies are a hopeful mixture; quality time with family, talking about it, a quiet house with my parents, barefoot on the grass, cutting out caffeine, early nights, yoga, rescue remedy, ginger tea, breathing, real food.  Still twitching.

Front garden at my parents always beautiful

At the start of the week I knew I needed my beloved north coast air, a slap in the face drama for some perspective, a leveller; the wind was flying off the upper hills of Rathlin Island carried over the sea of Moyle to the bay of Larrybane, feeling on the brink of tears at the beauty of the scenery (add emotional in with the tired and stressed and you’ve got a handsome combo).  The familiarity of the path through the village comforts me, down to the church, along the back of the old strip fields.  Keeping a tally, as always, of the birds; twite, jackdaw, rook, raven.  Checking the white water out by Sheep Island, feeling the heat of the sun, onto the path to Carrick a rede, stonechat, robin, fulmar, the waves crashing below, the sheer white limestone, turquoise water and huge cloud shadows, kittiwake, meadow pipit, skylark.  Noticing the semicircles the vegetation has drawn on the gravel as it has moved in the breeze, the smell of the new leaves and flowers, checking what’s blossomed, the sheep wool caught on the barbed wire, dunnock, wren, willow warbler.  Trying to catch a sense of my younger self walking this path back and forth in the summer of 2010 as a ranger (carefree!), the noise of the nesting birds on the cliffs of the island, Black  guillemot, razor bill, gannet. 

From Carrick a Rede to Fairhead

I toy with the idea of not writing this week; give myself a break but I still have things to tell you, things to share.  My passion for writing about food and our land ebbs and flows in tandem with the things I experience each day; the inspiring people I admire, the like minded hospitality folk, the kindness of my family and friends.  When I experience negativity, frustration, disbelief in our food system or indeed how people are interacting with it, my creativity wanes, I run out of energy, I want to pack up, run away.

Irish oat and spelt pastry, dark chocolate ganache, burnt honey cream, Palestinian Almonds.

Much like an avid environmentalist would find it incredulous that people don’t recycle properly or don’t understand the seriousness of global warning, a football fanatic might question your distaste for sport, a person with great faith might be dumbfounded at your atheist tendencies or a film buff maybe wonder what you do for entertainment.  We are all different, thank goodness but then in my little sphere there are those people who say they love food, they claim they are foodies and I question their logic-what they consider food seems so far from my perception of what food is, that I find it incredible, we are oceans apart.

There’s some non real food in my house.

Obviously working in food and being obsessed by it means my values are different, I don’t view food like I used to.  I question everything, I scrutinise.  Where it’s from, how was it grown, is it fresh, how far has it come, chemical additives, why am I eating it, is there an alternative?  I think the bread is too white, the strawberries aren’t in season yet, the cheese isn’t made with raw milk, the chocolate can’t claim to be slavery free etc etc.

Food at the event; Burrata, Organic green lentil stew, toasted rye bread, chive oil, garden herbs and peat smoked vinegar pearls.

All the work I do is centred around creating a space for my community to learn about food, it takes a gargantuan effort to present this in an open, unpretentious, friendly way; whether that be through the bakery itself, our classes or events.  At the end of the day, it’s about supporting people, enriching their life through a better appreciation of food, supporting them and having fun! But with these huge highs come lows; I find myself deflated, exhausted, wondering if the effort is worth it and now, with a twitching eye.   

Salad, cheese, aspargus and bread, outside. Dream dinner.

I make myself a plate of food to try and make myself feel better.  Instead of tucking in immediately or posting about it, it hits me, the glorious and obvious reality, there’s perspective in my lunch.

Gorgeous Happy Tummy bread, homemade sauerkraut, organic quinoa, our hens egg, homemade salsa macha, garden herbs, butter

Unlike millions of people, it’s a privilege to be able to eat like this; to afford excellent quality ingredients, to be able to source great produce, to have the knowledge and understanding of what is nutritious for my body and mind, to have space to grow vegetables and herbs, to have access to resources, to continually learn and be supported and loved by friends and family and to have the freedom to eat in the safety of my home. 

Keep on keeping on x

The one who looks after me the best x

The gorse always makes me smile